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Mariae
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| 07/25/2009 1:11 AM |
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Posted By Sarah on 07/06/2009 5:43 PM
There wasn't anything that was actually hard 4 me 2 hear, but sumthin that kinda made me mad was the part where all the guys were talking about how mean girls are and how much we stab each other in the back and i was like "come on!!! give at least some of us a chance!" i do admit that many girls are mean and way overly dramatic, but not everyone. and it made me mad that they were speaking generally and jumping to conclusions.
That was kind of how I felt too.
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clare
Posts:633
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| 07/25/2009 2:06 PM |
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| The part I had a hard time with was how visual men are and also the part how the worse thing a girl can do is take a man's ego "down a peg" I didn't realize how much power a girl has on a guy and how sensitive they are. I am so glad I read that book before I started dating!! |
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sometimes He says yes. Sometimes He says no. Sometimes He says wait awhile....
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Chippy
Posts:2
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| 08/14/2009 6:58 PM |
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| The hardest thing for me to hear was the visual chapter. I have a lot of self-esteem issues as do most girls but it really confirmed all my fears about guys and how they think. My boyfriend always wants me to trust him and its not from anything hes done..but its just because hes a guy that i worry hes going to be thinking sexually about other girls. He always says hes never thought of another girl, but im always trying to figure out what he is thinking about the girls around us when we go places. Is he picturing them naked? does he think there more attractive? It kinda makes me want to not only not have sex now while im dating... but even when im married because i dont feel like im the one he visually wants? I dont want to be the average wife..or girlfriend whos husband or boyfriend is constantly thinking about barbie... i realize i might sound shallow or just ridiculous but i cant help it. the book also seems to condradict (sp?) itself... guys first say they cant control there thoughts when they see a "hott" girl and they think about her sexually and the images are always there...yet they say they dont want a barbie..they want a real girl...to me that doesnt make sence... they DO want barbie... to me that seems like..they want a seriouse relationship with a girl they can love...but they want barbie when it comes down to being visial...and sex. am i the only one this crazy? =/ |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/14/2009 7:29 PM |
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Chippy, it sounds to me like your self-esteem issues are the real crux of the matter here, not what your boyfriend is potentially thinking. Trust me, he wouldn't be dating you unless he thought you were incredible looking.
Also, I don't think the uncontrollable thoughts that guys have are nearly as sexual as you are thinking they are. It's not that we see a good looking girl and immediately imagine her naked or in bed with us. The instinctive thought is that we recognize attractive qualities, not that we are unfaithfully attracted. Guys are no more plagued with unfaithful thoughts than girls are.
From the brief description of your boyfriend it sounds to me like he is the kind of guy who, when he sees another girl who is potentially attractive, turns his head away so as not to look. This is to be admired.
the book also seems to condradict (sp?) itself... guys first say they cant control there thoughts when they see a "hott" girl and they think about her sexually and the images are always there...yet they say they dont want a barbie..they want a real girl...to me that doesnt make sence... they DO want barbie... to me that seems like..they want a seriouse relationship with a girl they can love...but they want barbie when it comes down to being visial...and sex. am i the only one this crazy? =/
What you need to realize is that the "hott girl" is the "real girl." Our visual drives aren't just wrapped up in lustful thinking, but they are a big part of our wanting to have a romantic relationship. What this means is that his dating you, his wanting to date you, means that he thinks you are extremely beautiful. Most likely, he thinks you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Our visual drives are also affected by our emotions: the closer he is to you emotionally, the more visually attracted he is to you. This is good news! Most likely, before you started dating he thought you were incredibly beautiful. And, to him, it just gets better from there. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Chippy
Posts:2
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| 08/14/2009 7:38 PM |
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That was seriously probably the BEST responce i have ever gotten from a guy.. or from anyone for that matter. It actually made sence ... no one ever seems to understand what there trying to say and im already confused as it is but thanks for responding to that  |
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JoJo
Posts:968
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| 08/14/2009 8:30 PM |
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LOL yeah I agree, that was a great response David...
IDK the whole annoying thing for me with the "visual-ness" of guys is that I don't think anyone would look past my nose... lol (I can have it fixed, but that involves getting a bone graft from my ribs and that doesn't sound to appealing...  )
it's like I feel like I'm kinda forced to have a stupid operation I don't really wanna have cuz I'm fine with the way I look, because Guys just don't seem to like me haha
yeah Im in a mood today so thats probably why it's bugging me more than usually |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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clare
Posts:633
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| 08/15/2009 4:46 PM |
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| Well my boyfriend is very visual and he does struggle with trying to think right when he sees an attracive girl. Chippy, I understood what you meant, but for me it don't just wonder if he's thinking about that hott girl, I know he is and I know he's fighting hard not to. We are serioulsy dating and the only rough thing we have ever encountered in our relationship was when he told me he used to go to strip clubs. I cried for days and it still hurts. This was all before he even knew me and he has the deepest regrets. Because of the bad influence his work crew had on him he is affected for life. He loves me for who I am but I was made with a good figure and he fights hard to think right even about me and it makes him feel so bad. The hard thing is it's not because of the way I dress (i dress very modestly) but it's the images of what he has seen in the past that are haunting him. It hurts me so much to know how torn up and struggling he is inside. |
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sometimes He says yes. Sometimes He says no. Sometimes He says wait awhile....
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Lindsey
Posts:70
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| 08/23/2009 4:18 PM |
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| They part that shocked me the most in the book was when it said, that guys would rather be respected then loved.After reading that chapter I learned to be more careful with what I say and do infront of the guy or to him. |
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Ash:)
Posts:22
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| 08/26/2009 3:49 AM |
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| Um i guess nothing was HARD to hear it was jsut surprising to hear that it is hard for guys to not picture girls in a certain way!!! I was like gosh a certain image just automatically comes to them and its not their fault!!! It seems like they try soooo hard to be good people!!!(and i know not all guys do) but wow!!! It makes them seem like they are not all jerks and not always perverted!!! |
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-Ash<3 |
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andi
Posts:4
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| 11/13/2009 8:33 AM |
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| the whole dress code and visual thing was really difficult. it feels nice getting whistles and looks but finding out that i was really causing guys to struggle hit home. that's not what i wanted to do! but now i am really trying. it helps to know that there are other girls out there trying as well. |
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Ki-ol Mi-ck-Co-rd
Posts:138
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| 11/14/2009 2:53 AM |
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Posted By David on 08/14/2009 7:29 PM Chippy, it sounds to me like your self-esteem issues are the real crux of the matter here, not what your boyfriend is potentially thinking. Trust me, he wouldn't be dating you unless he thought you were incredible looking. Also, I don't think the uncontrollable thoughts that guys have are nearly as sexual as you are thinking they are. It's not that we see a good looking girl and immediately imagine her naked or in bed with us. The instinctive thought is that we recognize attractive qualities, not that we are unfaithfully attracted. Guys are no more plagued with unfaithful thoughts than girls are. From the brief description of your boyfriend it sounds to me like he is the kind of guy who, when he sees another girl who is potentially attractive, turns his head away so as not to look. This is to be admired. the book also seems to condradict (sp?) itself... guys first say they cant control there thoughts when they see a "hott" girl and they think about her sexually and the images are always there...yet they say they dont want a barbie..they want a real girl...to me that doesnt make sence... they DO want barbie... to me that seems like..they want a seriouse relationship with a girl they can love...but they want barbie when it comes down to being visial...and sex. am i the only one this crazy? =/ What you need to realize is that the "hott girl" is the "real girl." Our visual drives aren't just wrapped up in lustful thinking, but they are a big part of our wanting to have a romantic relationship. What this means is that his dating you, his wanting to date you, means that he thinks you are extremely beautiful. Most likely, he thinks you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Our visual drives are also affected by our emotions: the closer he is to you emotionally, the more visually attracted he is to you. This is good news! Most likely, before you started dating he thought you were incredibly beautiful. And, to him, it just gets better from there.
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"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... or the one."
-- Spock, Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan |
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Ki-ol Mi-ck-Co-rd
Posts:138
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| 11/14/2009 2:53 AM |
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Posted By David on 08/14/2009 7:29 PM Chippy, it sounds to me like your self-esteem issues are the real crux of the matter here, not what your boyfriend is potentially thinking. Trust me, he wouldn't be dating you unless he thought you were incredible looking. Also, I don't think the uncontrollable thoughts that guys have are nearly as sexual as you are thinking they are. It's not that we see a good looking girl and immediately imagine her naked or in bed with us. The instinctive thought is that we recognize attractive qualities, not that we are unfaithfully attracted. Guys are no more plagued with unfaithful thoughts than girls are. From the brief description of your boyfriend it sounds to me like he is the kind of guy who, when he sees another girl who is potentially attractive, turns his head away so as not to look. This is to be admired. the book also seems to condradict (sp?) itself... guys first say they cant control there thoughts when they see a "hott" girl and they think about her sexually and the images are always there...yet they say they dont want a barbie..they want a real girl...to me that doesnt make sence... they DO want barbie... to me that seems like..they want a seriouse relationship with a girl they can love...but they want barbie when it comes down to being visial...and sex. am i the only one this crazy? =/ What you need to realize is that the "hott girl" is the "real girl." Our visual drives aren't just wrapped up in lustful thinking, but they are a big part of our wanting to have a romantic relationship. What this means is that his dating you, his wanting to date you, means that he thinks you are extremely beautiful. Most likely, he thinks you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Our visual drives are also affected by our emotions: the closer he is to you emotionally, the more visually attracted he is to you. This is good news! Most likely, before you started dating he thought you were incredibly beautiful. And, to him, it just gets better from there.
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"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... or the one."
-- Spock, Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan |
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Adelynn
Posts:442
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| 11/16/2009 7:08 PM |
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| I know this isn't exactly about what was hard to hear from the book... but on the whole looks/attraction thing... how do you know if a guy is attracted to you for both you and your looks, and not just because he wants to see what he can get out of you? I mean beyond him obviously saying "sleep with me"... I mean I'm really into the whole living life to it's fullest, with or without a guy.... but I have a seriously hard time believing that guys really are interested in me and not my body, and this mistrust makes it super easy to not even be slightly interested in caring if a guy is interested... does any of that make sense? |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Ki-ol Mi-ck-Co-rd
Posts:138
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| 11/17/2009 1:29 AM |
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Posted By Adelynn on 11/16/2009 7:08 PM
I know this isn't exactly about what was hard to hear from the book... but on the whole looks/attraction thing... how do you know if a guy is attracted to you for both you and your looks, and not just because he wants to see what he can get out of you? I mean beyond him obviously saying "sleep with me"... I mean I'm really into the whole living life to it's fullest, with or without a guy.... but I have a seriously hard time believing that guys really are interested in me and not my body, and this mistrust makes it super easy to not even be slightly interested in caring if a guy is interested... does any of that make sense?
Yes, but a few of us aren't like that, like every guy here (I guess).
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"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... or the one."
-- Spock, Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan |
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Adelynn
Posts:442
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| 11/17/2009 8:39 AM |
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| I know! I know there are awesome guys out there- but are there major giveaways to figure out the fakes? Other than them being super obviously... fake? |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Ki-ol Mi-ck-Co-rd
Posts:138
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| 11/17/2009 8:54 AM |
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Posted By Adelynn on 11/17/2009 8:39 AM
I know! I know there are awesome guys out there- but are there major giveaways to figure out the fakes? Other than them being super obviously... fake?
Oh, most definetly.
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"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... or the one."
-- Spock, Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan |
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Liz
Posts:280
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| 11/17/2009 8:06 PM |
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The part about guys needing respect really got me. I tend to be really sarcastic sometimes, and that is definatly not respectful. I wanted to go hide under my bed!
And as to how they look at girls... I made some MAJOR changes to my wardrobe, and i'm not regretting it one bit! I'm just sorry i waited this long. |
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A girl should be so lost in God that a guy has to go in Him in order to find her |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 11/18/2009 9:41 AM |
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I mean I'm really into the whole living life to it's fullest, with or without a guy... but I have a seriously hard time believing that guys really are interested in me and not my body, and this mistrust makes it super easy to not even be slightly interested in caring if a guy is interested... does any of that make sense?
of course it does! many girls feel the exact same way... until a man (keyword: MAN. not boy.) sweeps them off their feet. I felt it really hard to swallow that a guy (ANY guy!) could actually love me for me and not just my body, or even my faith, or... or... OR. really, there comes a point where the excuses have to (and will) stop. notice I said: JUST my body and/or faith. it's okay (and actually I love it) that my boyfriend is physically and spiritually attracted to me. that plays a major role in our relationship. but only one of them can't be the only thing that ties us together. physicality, spirituality, and emotions (forgive me if I'm forgetting anything else) all have a very important part.
...but are there major giveaways to figure out the fakes? Other than them being super obviously... fake?
something that my pastor recently spoke about is how we are to be "in Christ." he told the congregation (and specifically the young people) NOT to find spouses who are: in church, in youth group, (the following are my own) in "love" with you, or "into" anything else. if they are in Christ, everythig else will fall into place. their lives will line up with what they say they believe. most, if not all of the time, it really is that simple. |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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Adelynn
Posts:442
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| 11/18/2009 4:42 PM |
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| Thank you so much, Emily, that was really encouraging to read =] |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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David
Posts:499
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| 11/25/2009 2:52 PM |
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I know this isn't exactly about what was hard to hear from the book... but on the whole looks/attraction thing... how do you know if a guy is attracted to you for both you and your looks, and not just because he wants to see what he can get out of you? I mean beyond him obviously saying "sleep with me"... I mean I'm really into the whole living life to it's fullest, with or without a guy.... but I have a seriously hard time believing that guys really are interested in me and not my body, and this mistrust makes it super easy to not even be slightly interested in caring if a guy is interested... does any of that make sense?
How can guys know when a girl is really interested in who we are and not just in that we're funny or charming or buy her stuff? Basically, how can we know when a girl is really interested in us and not just in being romanced and entertained? |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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